The Happy Sperm Hour Show!

I want to create an anime series that follows an unborn sperm, named Tissue, who goes on a ridiculous quest to be reincarnated. Each (episode/chapter/segment) would follow Tissue’s other sperm buddy’s, doorknob and Fishbowl, Tagging along to help figure out the mess there’re in.

(P.S. Their names represent where their original “father” came on . Why? Because their memories are fucked, cept they know where they dried out, and there’re unborn sperm. So why not use there death location as their own name?)

 

LOOKS!

Their appearance is set to make them look what they originally should have looked like in human form (around the age where they met the antagonist.), Albert with their new unborn quirks added on them. Such as Tissue having white hair, or Doorknob having a round belly. (Whereas Tissue's original body had black hair, and Doorknob having a slimmed down tummy in his original form.) Fishbowl has the most drastic change in looks, but I'll discuss that later.

 

Background Info!

Tissue was supposed to be a rookie detective from the 50’s, whose latest case brings forth the main villain’s plan to make him never born.

(With his full life turned into a blank slate, he puts what’s left of his skills to search for clues to being un-reborn.)

Doorknob was supposed to be a half-Mexican half-Asian Wrestler in 2034, who defeated the antagonist in a food eating contest, leading to unborn sperm attack from antagonist.

(As with Tissue, Doorknob’s brain is lacking in remembering his past life, but his skills of wrestling are still enough to help out.)

Fishbowl was supposed to be a Wal-Mart clerk by day, Dj at night, in 2004, who sold the wrong pet product to the antagonist, who decided “eh why not?” And unborns him.

(Same as before, vague memory of his past, and skills of DJ mixing are unfortunately useless in his current state. But does whatever little he can to help.)

 

The antagonist is an anonymous being, whose lifespan is unidentified, but is hell bent on ensuring those who irate it will face the unborn treatment. By altering the timeline to make the dads cum elsewhere, rather than inside the womb.

 

Location!

The world they currently live in is set in an alternate limbo, of the normal limbo, whereas they're technically not properly “born” yet, thus no moral judgments are brought to them as they do any mean necessary to come back alive.

 

 

Dangers!

The good guy sperms would occasionally battle against other sperms the antagonist had unborn as well, such as the dreaded Corncob and his lackey sidekick Shithole. (The deadly unborn twins who separated into corn and shit from their father’s nasty anal gone wrong timeline.)

 

Powers?! (And Inabilities….)

Each person has unique abilities tied to their unborn deaths, with good and bad quantities.

Tissue would be lightweight and dodge easily in fights, and has tremendous skills with firearms, BUT his weakness is he can’t swim, due to absorbing skin. (Rather he would rapidly sink down and slowly crumble away, having to dry out in order to piece himself back together.)

Doorknob would be Heavyweight and use powerhouse skill attacks, BUT  his weakness is he can’t jump, due to having tiny legs (rather he would roll around for movement.)

Fishbowl would regrettably have no real skills at fighting, as an average weight class, but can hack electronics to battle for him, BUT his weakness is his head isn’t properly attached to his neck. (Rather he wears a makeshift glass bowl on his shoulders, filled with his floating brain and eyes. With a walkie-talkie attached to it, in order for him to talk.)

 

Session 1

So after a few chapters to help explain who they are, they team up to seek out a time machine, in order to hunt down their fathers, so that they can get them born. Meanwhile they battle other sperms and get into wacky hijinks while in alter limbo. PLUS The antagonist has no clue this shit is going on!

 

 

Season 2

Then we follow the time travel segment, where Tissue’s father would be a drug smuggling teenager, Doorknob’s father is a yakuza boss and fishbowl’s dad is an outer space alien. Tissue’s goal is seeking out the girl for his dad, Doorknob’s goal is preventing his dad from dying before Cumming, and fishbowl’s goal is to prevent the world from blowing up from his dad.

All three sperm friends help each other out in each timeline. Oh yeah, that antagonist fella, he now becomes aware of their bullshit plan, and starts to invade each timeline.

 

Season 3 Pending

 

 

So to recap, it’s a story about three time traveling unborn sperms, seeking to get their dads laid.( or at least get the sperm into the correct egg.) While avoiding the crazy antagonist from undoing their plans.

My Love For Meat . Mp3

The Process Of Getting Caught (H-Pictures Edition)

( All pictures were taken by me, from various sources of SFW sections of awkward face moments, spliced into an enjoyable, if tasteless blog post.)

First off you just chilling in your room, relaxing by the bed, when you recall that porno mag your buddy sent you from Germany. You know, the one banned in several countries, yet somehow you got connections to acquire it.

Once those pesky roommates leave the house, you dive right into the main articles!

 

For the anticipation of boobies popping out, you make that stupid grin, as always.

 

Just as you “read” the section of the blind girl and the broken refrigerator, you suddenly hear the front door open!

 

Oh Shit!

As you scrambled to toss the mag across the room, while tearing the zipper off your jean by mistake, the door slightly creeks open, revealing Judy, the next door girl of your dreams. (Why is she here?! WHO CARES! SHE JUST SAW YOUR DICK IN YO HAND!)

Hey I was wond- OH MY GOD!

You’ve suddenly become frozen, like a deer getting its test results back.

 

Errr….uhhh….I…Ah

 

You try to explain what was going on, but trip from your loose pants, and fall backwards.

Just as quick as a transvestite showing up at the bachelor party, the door slams shut, leaving you alone to freak the fuck out.

 

 

ARGH!!!!!!

 

But without realizing it, you pop a brain aneurysm and die slowly from the shock.

 

Instead of popping a chicken, you choked your brain away.

Moral of the story?

BUY SOME FUCKING LOCKS!

End.

The Process Of Being Sick

Starting on Thursday the 9^th of this month I was forced to take a flu shot, because of my ever worrying aunt, and of course became sick from it. This is the detail of the events:

Thursday- Wake up to a sudden surprise car trip.  Arrive to an undisclosed drug store that had penis pumps on sale, in front of the wide glass windows. I get shot and go to work.

Status: feel fine

Friday- I feel a slight cold sweat, but may be due to work, then avoid telling anyone about flu shot as my boss seems to be terrified of anyone who is sick already.

Status: Worried but ok.

Saturday- Left nostril begins to bleed slightly, and body feels extra tired.

Status:  Defiantly sick.

Sunday- Nose gives up will to live, and pours out an endless stream. Sneezed so hard, felt like I shook my kidneys. Oh did I mention I worked from 8:30 a.m till 9:10p.m.?

Status: GO FUCK YO SELF!

Monday- No work and finally sleep most of the sickness away.

Status: Watching Batsu Games, so great.

Random Notes: Character With Eight Spines

This is a slight idea, where it could go anywhere, from a game to another media, so I couldn’t properly inject it in to a game idea.

 

All I want to start off is to say this character is going to be a side character, and if control is put of them then it will be in a spin off title to the original subject.

 

Anyhow, This person one day wakes up to discover their back has open up to show several mutated spines have grown out of their body. They will have slight control at the beginning, such as flexing them or retraction inside. Unbeknownst to them, the spines will later on show off it has its own mind, but will follow in their actions. However, their activities of karma will alter their appearance and locked abilities later on.

 

For if they take the Villainous path, the spines will become sharper, from taking the aggressive route to stab into people,  while letting you dodge and move along walls with spider like movement spine legs . Due to the player needing less body weight in order to dodge, this means their health will be lowered, but speed will be Vastly faster.

 

However, the Virtuous path will harden the spines, from taking a defensive route and slap attacks, and allow blocking attacks and later on the ability of flight. Due to needing more weight to substance attacks, their health will be higher, but speed will be drastically slower.

 

 

Also unlike most karma subjects, once the player commits to one side, there are permanently locked into that role.  This is because the spines will not like change so easily, and will refuse actions that the player would normally cast under the other role.

Of Couse this means for the last action, if the player decides to act the opposite role, the spines will wrap around them, and crush them to death.

 

 

Ok enough of this small idea, gotta go focus on my other life!

Christmas Work Party 2013

Having spent most party events trying to avoid any confrontations or blank stares, I figure I should stop once in a while to enjoy a few. Such as the last party I attended for my work event on the 15^th.  

               

 

 

I had set out my green tux T-Shirt, with my white/green relax jacket, to better facilitate the oddness one could muster up while out on the hunt for potential girls to pick up.

Being the fool to rush in, I had spent my time shaving the wolverine sideburns I was rockin, and power showered off the grim from work that day. However, this wasn’t necessary as I found out as I was the first to arrive to the party.

The location for our party was held in a grand establishment, and was the first real major party that I felt I didn’t fit in, due to the fancy service and rows of round tables draped in silky materials stood far beyond my current attire.

Spend the first 30 minutes walking around the empty room in slight embarrassment for my earliness, while trying to look for the best table to escape to the exit doorway, if need be escape is required.

Finally, after 50 minutes of drinking from my water wine glass, several  party goers were starting to file in, as well as the waiters, host and Dj.

80% of the people there weren’t part of my work group, as most were much higher ups within the company, leaving my 20 year self to deal with 60+ year older drunk folk trying to regain that youthful vigor they once had.

 

 

 The Dj was basically the butler from The Haunted House.

Since I knew I wouldn’t meet these people again, I decided to fuck around by going around tables and saying “Hey Grandma/Grandpa! It’s me your nephew.” And when they wouldn’t recognize me, I would declare “Man, that Alzheimer is really getting to you.” I stopped around table 3 when I found out the person I spoke to really did have Alzheimer (or at least I felt his mannerism mimicked of that.).

 

Even though I could have lied, or bribed, I held off that feeling to indulge in alcoholic beverages, seeing as my 20 year old self was patient enough to wait one more year.

 

Apparently one of the co-workers kept buying drinks for this one woman, and kept telling the waiter that “It’s from Mr.GreenToS ” So got strange looks from her throughout the evening.

 

The table I sat at had two bartenders, one dressed as an elf while the other madly deep within her drink. The rest of group held a varied unknown older folk. One such drunk kept tripping over the x-mas tree lights.

 

The banquet served several high end salads, desserts and other extravagant words I couldn’t congregate up to try out. However, due to my junk food taste buds, everything looked like shit to me and felt like I was going to sit it out hungry till I notice the Chief. The Head Chief made anyone who stopped by his private spot a chicken and waffle combo, Spazzing out as he spilled his cherry goo all over your plate).

 

Feeling like I shouldn’t look too anomalous for only getting one item, I quickly nabbed a dessert chocolate shot, with cherry cream on top (urgh!). Yet I choked on the overly tart slime and proceeded to let it dribbled enough out to warrant a “cum face” of discussion from others.

 

Fuck!

 

Eventually the rest of my co-workers showed up, and wasted no time getting smashed behind the bar. The Establishment’s staff kept trying to tell then them “they couldn’t make any flaming Dr. Peppers” while avoiding the spills of countless glasses being toppled over the counter.

 

At one point, there was this creepy child molester looking 70 year old bloke, seriously wearing striped child play shirt, who kept sneaking several sessions of making out with several co-workers. The only redeeming thing I could bring about him was his amazing skills of being able to sit down and back up in one motion.

 

I started to get jaded, as any designated driver would undergo, and stirred my eyes up to witness the first old couple to dance on the dance floor. I started to write a script about them in my mind, as if this dance was the ending to their own film. Leading me to shoot a director’s cut of the dance with their son running in and declaring their daughter was pregnant with the gardener’s son.

 

Saw a female Version of Bill Hader.

After a few murmurs of the dance floor being bare empty, the first karaoke song was brought out, total eclipse of my heart, came on. Then without warring, I started to do the most sporadic dance around my table. (From the flopping arms out as wings, and jumping around my chair and table as a maniac, while mouthing out the lyrics to the song.)

 

Unlike most people, I can start dancing whenever I feel like it, unlike the majority of those sitting and trying to avoid getting the spotlight on them.

 

Once the song was over, I of course earn yet another “THIS IS GONNA GO ON YOUTUBE!!” shout out. Which I heard enough in life to not care about, but I would wish at least someone would send me a link or two of those outta nowhere dancing bouts over my years in existence.

 

I guess the sight of an underage guy doing such a bizarre dance sober was too much for some of the older generation, and so a majority of them left soon after that.

 

Ultimately I would go out on the dance floor to dance whenever singers would bravely go up, which lead to my duet and dancing with my boss, singing “This is Fuckin Awesome!”. (Which would be more of an understatement in that moment for me, as I felt the crowd was far below interested in our zany actions, but nonetheless my boss felt otherwise.)

Then everyone else remaining kept using the fire exit to smoke, leading to security bursting in and yell at them for setting off the alarm soo many times.

Feeling apologetic for witnessing the inebriated partiers act towards some of the wait staff, I decided to step in and act proper to the maître d'hôtel. By giving complements of how groovy they are and telling fake stories about my horrible love life. (Such as the time I ripped the last condom I had on me by accident, or vomiting all over my prom date.)None of which was true but even so it did make the entire staff laugh till they cried.

Then Sang “I Ran” by A flock of Seagulls near the end of the night, but was moderately dreadful at it. I know I’m at least decent at dancing, well not remarkable but enough to cause flavorless people to want me to teach them, but horrible at singing at together.

 

Then rest was a blur of hugs and goodbyes as I left back home.

 

 

 

Would have posted this sooner, if it weren’t for my self-wanting needs to do things outside my pc life, such as reading my ever growing novella collection, or maintaining my sanity as countless cousins visit over the holidays.

 

Something I wrote a week ago.

(The tone of this post, as spoken in a slumber state?)

Where did I go, He asked to the monitor? For the past several days had been spent in a hypnotic state of hibernation with Persona 4 Golden.

 

Plans? Why I thought I did, when the rough draft to two blog post sit unfinished in the documents folder.

 

Did you enjoy the Hobo Cake, He misheard instead of Home, Ok?

 

Left to Rot, in three days’ time of waterless pipes, as winter took hold of the land.

 

Stufflebean, a last name that was under the list of unwanted patrons.

 

Why bother to type under sleep, with the worry of a lesser paycheck?

 

The search for a specific video goes missing, as memories fad the details away.