Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Unproblematic Routes To Childhood Memories

Hmm…… life is presently too demanding to work on new materials to write about, so like a virgin to unprocessed steak sauce, here’s a brief glimpse into my past life.


Life Event #1= Attack of the Hair Plants

I remember in my last year of high school, whenever I left my third period class, I would always find myself behind this random freshman student, while walking down the first floor hallway. He wasn’t in my friend circle, nor in any of my classes, yet would I always remember him due to his one famous feature. His amazing growing afro, AKA (AGA). At the start of the year his hairstyle was quite small, and didn’t even qualify for afro status. And yet, ever day after, I soon took notice of his hair slowly growing before me. I felt I had my very own personal chia pet, as I’ve never had a real one before, and I would sometimes find myself wanting to touch it, even going so far as wanting to water it, just to be sure what I saw was real and keep It growing.

Near the end of graduation, I would see this afro grow to the magnificent Triple X size that any 70’s aficionado would be proud to witness in real life.

Overall Rating: A Pleasant sightseeing year, yet my sane brain self-told me to stop this petty obsession.


Life Event #2= Critical Hit of the Lactation Giver

While my mother’s sister was still breastfeeding her daughter, she did a horrible trick on me. I was watching TV, when I hear from behind me “Hey Mikey!” and I spun my head around only to caught a glance of her squeezing her right tit, as a sudden milky spray gushed out, right into my eyes. The 2nd worst moment of my life, involving milk, with mistakenly drinking chunky old milk taking 1st. I still recall her cackling laugh as I struggled to wipe away the white substance away from my bludgeon eyes.


Overall Rating= A haunting involvement with a sickening jokester, that lead to my hatefulness of white milk. (As opposed to any other color of milk?)


Life Event #3= Disseized Patches of the Spheroid Membrane

When I first got chickenpox, at the tender young age of 7 and below, I ended up scratching the underside of my balls so much from the bumps, that there is now a huge patch of skin missing, leaving behind a colorized difference.

Overall Rating=  Hard to describe, as you really have to move it around to see the full patch missing, but it’s a welcome surprise for any future girlfriend(s) to discover.



Life Event #4= Soothing Voices of the Life Hackers

My older brother is a genius, ever since the good old days, and long before let’s plays were easy to record; we had to improvise to do our own.

So all you need is :

1.       N64

2.       Karaoke Machine

3.       Microphone

4.       Cd’s with music

5.       VCR player

6.       Recordable VCR Tape

7.       Etc. Wires

A transcript of my older brother telling how he did it.

“So the vcr was hooked up to the TV, with the Yellow video jack from the Nintendo 64 hooked to the VCR so we could see the game. Then the red and white jacks from the karaoke machine were hooked up to the VCR so we could record dialog with the mics and play background music with cds.”

Overall Rating= Awesome to witness everyday items combined to create 90’s Lets Plays.


Life Event #5= My Avoidant of Grasped Affection

In my third year of high school, I encountered my first ever crush from a girl. Now I’ve swoon over dozens of women in my school days, but this was the first where the girl actually had the crush on me. She was quite lovely, with long dark hair with an outdoors loving tan, and to be quite honest I was too shocked to realize all the signs before it were too late. She would always want to pair up for class projects, and other common tropes crushes do. But atlas I didn’t think much of it, as I didn’t think no one would actually try to make the moves on me.

Another factor as to why I didn’t pay much attention to the gestures was the fact I was moving away to a new school within the first month of that year, so I didn’t want to get too attached to anyone, and I didn’t bother to tell anyone else about the move, besides a few teachers whose classes I was failing on purpose. Why didn’t I tell anyone? Well throughout my life I’ve moved around too many times to even get a real sense of friendship, mainly due to mother’s inability to pay the bills, and figure it’d be easier to move around than pay. So the few remaining friends I do own are a real testament of my care for them, even if I don’t contact them as often as I should.


At any rate, near the end of the last month at that school, she bought me a gift, an expensive Abercrombie & Fitch shirt, and that’s when everything clicked in my head of the moves she did over the past month. No girl in their right minds would go out of their ways to gift such a high priced item to another student.  With the gift in hand, I soon became hesitant and gave the gift back, and ran off, in total nervousness.   Shortly thereafter I had moved away, without telling her my own feelings about her. The ride away was spent just thinking about the missed opportunity’s I could have had.

Just to let you know, I didn’t have a cell phone during this time, so I couldn’t exchange numbers with her, and even now thinking about it, ever since I left that school within the first month, I have no plausible clue as how to reach her, seeing as getting a yearbook would be null imposable.  (As well as my horrible brain’s inability to remember anyone’s name.) But then again, she probably gotten another love interest, and I wouldn’t want to interrupt her current lifestyle.


Overall Rating=  Slight resentment of my former stupid self, but nonetheless a reminder to be more watchful of others feelings towards me, even if I don’t acknowledge said emotions.





(Sidenote on Love Life:)

Now how I experience my first kiss/French kiss with a different girl is another story all together, which is too long to tell here (as well as a slighted embarrassment as to whom it was), But I’ll say one thing about it, It happened while we were watching puppet master 4. Yeah, I don’t get how the romantic antics of killer puppets can be a turn on either.

Monday, February 17, 2014

The Happy Sperm Hour Show!

I want to create an anime series that follows an unborn sperm, named Tissue, who goes on a ridiculous quest to be reincarnated. Each (episode/chapter/segment) would follow Tissue’s other sperm buddy’s, doorknob and Fishbowl, Tagging along to help figure out the mess there’re in.

(P.S. Their names represent where their original “father” came on . Why? Because their memories are fucked, cept they know where they dried out, and there’re unborn sperm. So why not use there death location as their own name?)



Their appearance is set to make them look what they originally should have looked like in human form (around the age where they met the antagonist.), Albert with their new unborn quirks added on them. Such as Tissue having white hair, or Doorknob having a round belly. (Whereas Tissue's original body had black hair, and Doorknob having a slimmed down tummy in his original form.) Fishbowl has the most drastic change in looks, but I'll discuss that later.


Background Info!

Tissue was supposed to be a rookie detective from the 50’s, whose latest case brings forth the main villain’s plan to make him never born.

(With his full life turned into a blank slate, he puts what’s left of his skills to search for clues to being un-reborn.)

Doorknob was supposed to be a half-Mexican half-Asian Wrestler in 2034, who defeated the antagonist in a food eating contest, leading to unborn sperm attack from antagonist.

(As with Tissue, Doorknob’s brain is lacking in remembering his past life, but his skills of wrestling are still enough to help out.)

Fishbowl was supposed to be a Wal-Mart clerk by day, Dj at night, in 2004, who sold the wrong pet product to the antagonist, who decided “eh why not?” And unborns him.

(Same as before, vague memory of his past, and skills of DJ mixing are unfortunately useless in his current state. But does whatever little he can to help.)


The antagonist is an anonymous being, whose lifespan is unidentified, but is hell bent on ensuring those who irate it will face the unborn treatment. By altering the timeline to make the dads cum elsewhere, rather than inside the womb.



The world they currently live in is set in an alternate limbo, of the normal limbo, whereas they're technically not properly “born” yet, thus no moral judgments are brought to them as they do any mean necessary to come back alive.




The good guy sperms would occasionally battle against other sperms the antagonist had unborn as well, such as the dreaded Corncob and his lackey sidekick Shithole. (The deadly unborn twins who separated into corn and shit from their father’s nasty anal gone wrong timeline.)


Powers?! (And Inabilities….)

Each person has unique abilities tied to their unborn deaths, with good and bad quantities.

Tissue would be lightweight and dodge easily in fights, and has tremendous skills with firearms, BUT his weakness is he can’t swim, due to absorbing skin. (Rather he would rapidly sink down and slowly crumble away, having to dry out in order to piece himself back together.)

Doorknob would be Heavyweight and use powerhouse skill attacks, BUT  his weakness is he can’t jump, due to having tiny legs (rather he would roll around for movement.)

Fishbowl would regrettably have no real skills at fighting, as an average weight class, but can hack electronics to battle for him, BUT his weakness is his head isn’t properly attached to his neck. (Rather he wears a makeshift glass bowl on his shoulders, filled with his floating brain and eyes. With a walkie-talkie attached to it, in order for him to talk.)


Session 1

So after a few chapters to help explain who they are, they team up to seek out a time machine, in order to hunt down their fathers, so that they can get them born. Meanwhile they battle other sperms and get into wacky hijinks while in alter limbo. PLUS The antagonist has no clue this shit is going on!



Season 2

Then we follow the time travel segment, where Tissue’s father would be a drug smuggling teenager, Doorknob’s father is a yakuza boss and fishbowl’s dad is an outer space alien. Tissue’s goal is seeking out the girl for his dad, Doorknob’s goal is preventing his dad from dying before Cumming, and fishbowl’s goal is to prevent the world from blowing up from his dad.

All three sperm friends help each other out in each timeline. Oh yeah, that antagonist fella, he now becomes aware of their bullshit plan, and starts to invade each timeline.


Season 3 Pending



So to recap, it’s a story about three time traveling unborn sperms, seeking to get their dads laid.( or at least get the sperm into the correct egg.) While avoiding the crazy antagonist from undoing their plans.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

The Process Of Getting Caught (H-Pictures Edition)

( All pictures were taken by me, from various sources of SFW sections of awkward face moments, spliced into an enjoyable, if tasteless blog post.)

First off you just chilling in your room, relaxing by the bed, when you recall that porno mag your buddy sent you from Germany. You know, the one banned in several countries, yet somehow you got connections to acquire it.

Once those pesky roommates leave the house, you dive right into the main articles!


For the anticipation of boobies popping out, you make that stupid grin, as always.


Just as you “read” the section of the blind girl and the broken refrigerator, you suddenly hear the front door open!


Oh Shit!

As you scrambled to toss the mag across the room, while tearing the zipper off your jean by mistake, the door slightly creeks open, revealing Judy, the next door girl of your dreams. (Why is she here?! WHO CARES! SHE JUST SAW YOUR DICK IN YO HAND!)

Hey I was wond- OH MY GOD!

You’ve suddenly become frozen, like a deer getting its test results back.




You try to explain what was going on, but trip from your loose pants, and fall backwards.

Just as quick as a transvestite showing up at the bachelor party, the door slams shut, leaving you alone to freak the fuck out.





But without realizing it, you pop a brain aneurysm and die slowly from the shock.


Instead of popping a chicken, you choked your brain away.

Moral of the story?



Monday, January 20, 2014

The Process Of Being Sick

Starting on Thursday the 9th of this month I was forced to take a flu shot, because of my ever worrying aunt, and of course became sick from it. This is the detail of the events:

Thursday- Wake up to a sudden surprise car trip.  Arrive to an undisclosed drug store that had penis pumps on sale, in front of the wide glass windows. I get shot and go to work.

Status: feel fine

Friday- I feel a slight cold sweat, but may be due to work, then avoid telling anyone about flu shot as my boss seems to be terrified of anyone who is sick already.

Status: Worried but ok.

Saturday- Left nostril begins to bleed slightly, and body feels extra tired.

Status:  Defiantly sick.

Sunday- Nose gives up will to live, and pours out an endless stream. Sneezed so hard, felt like I shook my kidneys. Oh did I mention I worked from 8:30 a.m till 9:10p.m.?


Monday- No work and finally sleep most of the sickness away.

Status: Watching Batsu Games, so great.

Monday, January 6, 2014

Random Notes: Character With Eight Spines

This is a slight idea, where it could go anywhere, from a game to another media, so I couldn’t properly inject it in to a game idea.


All I want to start off is to say this character is going to be a side character, and if control is put of them then it will be in a spin off title to the original subject.


Anyhow, This person one day wakes up to discover their back has open up to show several mutated spines have grown out of their body. They will have slight control at the beginning, such as flexing them or retraction inside. Unbeknownst to them, the spines will later on show off it has its own mind, but will follow in their actions. However, their activities of karma will alter their appearance and locked abilities later on.


For if they take the Villainous path, the spines will become sharper, from taking the aggressive route to stab into people,  while letting you dodge and move along walls with spider like movement spine legs . Due to the player needing less body weight in order to dodge, this means their health will be lowered, but speed will be Vastly faster.


However, the Virtuous path will harden the spines, from taking a defensive route and slap attacks, and allow blocking attacks and later on the ability of flight. Due to needing more weight to substance attacks, their health will be higher, but speed will be drastically slower.



Also unlike most karma subjects, once the player commits to one side, there are permanently locked into that role.  This is because the spines will not like change so easily, and will refuse actions that the player would normally cast under the other role.

Of Couse this means for the last action, if the player decides to act the opposite role, the spines will wrap around them, and crush them to death.
Ok enough of this small idea, gotta go focus on my other life!